Cadbury Dairy Miarrrghhlllarrrggghhhhh

That is basically the noise I make each time I try and say the words Dairy Milk out loud… especially when there is one in my hand. Even more so when it’s unwrapped and melting into my sweaty palm as I try to imagine what it must have been like the first time I held one of these wonderous solid brown bars of amazing in my hand. On a pound for pound basis, if Cadbury’s chocolate isn’t more expensive than gold then to be honest, I don’t know why any of us bother.

Cadbury’s chocolate and Dairy Milk in particular doesn’t change much. It is a sacrosanct part of British life and that purple wrapper draws me in every time I see it. Despite the fact Cadbury has been taken over by Kraft, the giant American confectionery and general crap food manufacturer, our cherished bar has until now remained untouched. (Thank god; have you tried that Hershey’s crap they try and pass off as chocolate?)

BUT SOMETHING HAS CHANGED!

The wrapper still looks the same… There’s still a glass and a half of milk pouring in (even though the European Union disagrees with it). But a cursory glance at the front of the bar will provide you with 2 clues. The first is a big pink banner in the corner advertising a new shape. The second is the picture of the beloved chocolate…

THEY HAVE ROUNDED OFF THE CORNERS!

Yup. Remember when Galaxy tried to pretend that when the chocolate is a bit rounder it tastes better, well Cadbury are in on the act. They have butchered my lovely bar of chocolate and they are pretending it is prettier.

TAKE A LOOK…

What in blue moses is going on here?

Yes, see, look…DIFFERENT!

Ok, so it’s not that bad.

…

So why am I shouting so much?

THEY HAVE F**KING STOLEN SOME OF MY VALUABLE CHOCOLATE!

Cadbury, in these days of austerity, have decided that they are going to reduce the size of my chocolate bar from 49g to 45g. Then, instead of admitting it and saying they are very sorry but stuffs are more expensive now, they have decided to try and dress it up as a good thing by making the chocolate more round. Well we all know when you cut the corners off something there is less of it. Now as we know Cadbury chocolate is clearly more valuable than gold and as of this second Gold is trading at a spot price of $1708.70/oz. And using some mathematical wizardry (thank me later) this means that today, when I bought the chocolate bar above Cadbury stole at least £151.26 from me. And each and every time I buy a Dairy Milk bar from now on they will be stealing a similar amount. I am not happy. And possibly the only way I can get over this is if someone out there decides to send me more Dairy Milk bars (one a week will be about right) to replace the chocolate I will inevitably be losing each and every time I buy chocolate in future.

Summary

Come on Cadbury/Kraft, man up and explain yourselves… or give me back my damn chocolate!

Old Dairy Milk Rating: 5/5

New Dairy Milk Rating: GIVE ME BACK MY CHOCOLATE!