Cadbury Dairy Miarrrghhlllarrrggghhhhh

That is basically the noise I make each time I try and say the words Dairy Milk out loud… especially when there is one in my hand. Even more so when it’s unwrapped and melting into my sweaty palm as I try to imagine what it must have been like the first time I held one of these wonderous solid brown bars of amazing in my hand. On a pound for pound basis, if Cadbury’s chocolate isn’t more expensive than gold then to be honest, I don’t know why any of us bother.

Cadbury’s chocolate and Dairy Milk in particular doesn’t change much. It is a sacrosanct part of British life and that purple wrapper draws me in every time I see it. Despite the fact Cadbury has been taken over by Kraft, the giant American confectionery and general crap food manufacturer, our cherished bar has until now remained untouched. (Thank god; have you tried that Hershey’s crap they try and pass off as chocolate?)

BUT SOMETHING HAS CHANGED!

The wrapper still looks the same… There’s still a glass and a half of milk pouring in (even though the European Union disagrees with it). But a cursory glance at the front of the bar will provide you with 2 clues. The first is a big pink banner in the corner advertising a new shape. The second is the picture of the beloved chocolate…

THEY HAVE ROUNDED OFF THE CORNERS!

Yup. Remember when Galaxy tried to pretend that when the chocolate is a bit rounder it tastes better, well Cadbury are in on the act. They have butchered my lovely bar of chocolate and they are pretending it is prettier.

TAKE A LOOK…

What in blue moses is going on here?

Yes, see, look…DIFFERENT!

Ok, so it’s not that bad.

…

So why am I shouting so much?

THEY HAVE F**KING STOLEN SOME OF MY VALUABLE CHOCOLATE!

Cadbury, in these days of austerity, have decided that they are going to reduce the size of my chocolate bar from 49g to 45g. Then, instead of admitting it and saying they are very sorry but stuffs are more expensive now, they have decided to try and dress it up as a good thing by making the chocolate more round. Well we all know when you cut the corners off something there is less of it. Now as we know Cadbury chocolate is clearly more valuable than gold and as of this second Gold is trading at a spot price of $1708.70/oz. And using some mathematical wizardry (thank me later) this means that today, when I bought the chocolate bar above Cadbury stole at least £151.26 from me. And each and every time I buy a Dairy Milk bar from now on they will be stealing a similar amount. I am not happy. And possibly the only way I can get over this is if someone out there decides to send me more Dairy Milk bars (one a week will be about right) to replace the chocolate I will inevitably be losing each and every time I buy chocolate in future.

Summary

Come on Cadbury/Kraft, man up and explain yourselves… or give me back my damn chocolate!

Old Dairy Milk Rating: 5/5

New Dairy Milk Rating: GIVE ME BACK MY CHOCOLATE!

The £2 coin

2 Pounds Sterling

I don’t know if there was a specific day when Mervin King (or MerKing as I will be calling him from now on) sat down in front of… whoever it is he sits down in front of, and decided that the £1 coin wasn’t quite cutting it anymore and that the answer to all of the country’s problems was the £2 coin.

I guess it is inflation, the fact that where once you might have bought a bottle of coke using just one £1 coin and now you find that would almost certainly be insufficient.

I don’t even have any £2 coins at the moment, so I’m not entirely sure how they popped into my head, but they have and now you, whoever you are, have the lucky experience of reading about it.

I can still remember a time, when France’s currency of choice was the Franc and Bergerac was as far as I’d ever travelled from home. It was a special time, an innocent time, when Santa might still have been real and birthdays were occasions of excitement rather than dread. What I am getting at here is about 10 or 15 years ago, you’d go on holiday, with the parents, and before long you’d be handed a wondrous coin by some sweet shop assistant or crepe vendor. Yes, you knew that there would no longer be pounds and pence in your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wallet, but never could you have anticipated a coin which is 2 different colours. Oh yes, this was a special thing, something to be treasured; the 10 Franc coin was unlike anything we had at home, despite being broadly similar in both size and value to a £1 coin. The 20 Franc was even more special, offering gold around the outside and as a spot in the middle, these were even rarer finds.

Then, stealing away the excitement of children everywhere at the amazing possibility of foreign currency, The Bank of England, or the Royal Mint, or the Prime Minister, or The Queen, or Santa; decided enough was enough and that we must have a new coin. The £2 was born.

I quite like the thing. I don’t really understand the pattern on the front, most coins in this country have borne some form of coat of arms on one side and a face on the other. For some reason the designer of the 2 coloured £2 instead decided to see what would happen if you cross a zebra, some sandpaper and a range of Archery goals. Apart from that though, it’s pretty useful. A single £2 coin is lighter than 2x £1 coins, generally the main reason for carrying larger denominations.

The downside is, you still come across drinks machines, parking meters and the vast majority of websites that don’t accept the bloody thing. I mean, come on guys, it’s been around for about 11 years, it’s not that hard surely?

Anyway, yeah, the £2 coin. I actually quite like them and I would like to encourage you to post me yours as soon as you can possibly find the time. I will find a very good use for them. 🙂

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I never did manage to slip MerKing in there again… shame.