Cadbury Dairy Miarrrghhlllarrrggghhhhh

That is basically the noise I make each time I try and say the words Dairy Milk out loud… especially when there is one in my hand. Even more so when it’s unwrapped and melting into my sweaty palm as I try to imagine what it must have been like the first time I held one of these wonderous solid brown bars of amazing in my hand. On a pound for pound basis, if Cadbury’s chocolate isn’t more expensive than gold then to be honest, I don’t know why any of us bother.

Cadbury’s chocolate and Dairy Milk in particular doesn’t change much. It is a sacrosanct part of British life and that purple wrapper draws me in every time I see it. Despite the fact Cadbury has been taken over by Kraft, the giant American confectionery and general crap food manufacturer, our cherished bar has until now remained untouched. (Thank god; have you tried that Hershey’s crap they try and pass off as chocolate?)

BUT SOMETHING HAS CHANGED!

The wrapper still looks the same… There’s still a glass and a half of milk pouring in (even though the European Union disagrees with it). But a cursory glance at the front of the bar will provide you with 2 clues. The first is a big pink banner in the corner advertising a new shape. The second is the picture of the beloved chocolate…

THEY HAVE ROUNDED OFF THE CORNERS!

Yup. Remember when Galaxy tried to pretend that when the chocolate is a bit rounder it tastes better, well Cadbury are in on the act. They have butchered my lovely bar of chocolate and they are pretending it is prettier.

TAKE A LOOK…

What in blue moses is going on here?

Yes, see, look…DIFFERENT!

Ok, so it’s not that bad.

…

So why am I shouting so much?

THEY HAVE F**KING STOLEN SOME OF MY VALUABLE CHOCOLATE!

Cadbury, in these days of austerity, have decided that they are going to reduce the size of my chocolate bar from 49g to 45g. Then, instead of admitting it and saying they are very sorry but stuffs are more expensive now, they have decided to try and dress it up as a good thing by making the chocolate more round. Well we all know when you cut the corners off something there is less of it. Now as we know Cadbury chocolate is clearly more valuable than gold and as of this second Gold is trading at a spot price of $1708.70/oz. And using some mathematical wizardry (thank me later) this means that today, when I bought the chocolate bar above Cadbury stole at least £151.26 from me. And each and every time I buy a Dairy Milk bar from now on they will be stealing a similar amount. I am not happy. And possibly the only way I can get over this is if someone out there decides to send me more Dairy Milk bars (one a week will be about right) to replace the chocolate I will inevitably be losing each and every time I buy chocolate in future.

Summary

Come on Cadbury/Kraft, man up and explain yourselves… or give me back my damn chocolate!

Old Dairy Milk Rating: 5/5

New Dairy Milk Rating: GIVE ME BACK MY CHOCOLATE!

To my dear readers… a request!

I say dear readers… in reality, most of you are people who have stumbled here from some google search; 80% of the time, it was probably related to a post and you might have gotten some use out of it, the remaining 20% is because you’ve googled a strange collection of words and it has brought you here, if this is you, you probably didn’t find this site useful, but then if you’re reading this at least you’re giving it your best shot, have a gold star, don’t spend it all at once.

What I really want though, the whole purpose of this little missive, is to ask you a favour, not a big one, a little tiny weeny one that won’t take you 5 minutes. If you read a post and you notice a spelling mistake, or a grammatical faux pas, please could you let me know? I’m quite a good spellerist, so it’s probably just a typo, so don’t just ignore it and think yourself a pedant for noticing, let me know!

The problem is, once I’ve banged out a post and, on average, mine are around 1,000 words, I tend to be a bit bored of the whole thing. That means I don’t proof read it and I don’t want to save it for later to proof read it either. As a result, I hit publish and allow my words to float out into the interwebby ether. That’s not to say they can’t be changed though, I am forever clicking edit and correcting ‘just one last thing’, so perhaps if you aren’t too busy you could just leave a comment or drop me an e-mail and help me get the job done a bit quicker?

Oh and while you’re here and since you’ve reached this point in my ramble, which might just mean you’re amenable to the odd favour. Please (please, please) could you rate any post you think is good… or bad, with the relevant number of stars. That will help me know what I’m doing well, what I’m doing badly and keep me honest! Oh and perhaps you wouldn’t mind clicking one of the little icons at the bottom of any posts you particularly like the taste of. That will help publicise the post and, ultimately, the blog on Twitter, Facebook or whatever other medium there is an icon for. It’d be doing me a great favour and help keep me blogging.

Thank you muchly kind readers and all you other waifs and strays passing by. 🙂

Now what’s he playing at? A blog about everything? What does that even mean?

I started a blog about my biggest passion (Football/THFC: tottenhamhotblog.wordpress.com) and I quite like it. And since none of the… peop… erm, person that read it has given me bad feedback, I immediately have the bug for the blog.

It seems I am particularly adept at talking about things in the first person and immediately, that suggested to my simple mind that I need to dispense opinions on other things. First thought… A music blog… YES! I listen to music, I like it even. Always thought that’d be a wicked career. Hmm, but it would mean listening to lots of music… not just any music, lots of new music… and not necessarily new music by bands I like listening to. If I was going to do it seriously, yes I could start with the new Incubus album, since it’s new and I love Incubus. But then I might have to review something by Britney Spears, or maybe I could focus on a genre, but then I might have to listen to a Muse album all the way through. Now don’t get me wrong, Muse are excellent musicians and make good music, I have simply developed a violent allergy to Matt Bellamy’s incessantly whiney voice. An allergy so violent my head explodes after 18 minutes of non-stop listening. It’s happened twice before, I won’t let it happen again. Not only that, with all of these different musics to review, how will I find time for my daily routine of listening to ‘Flying Without Wings’ by R. Kelly on repeat for half an hour before singing at the top of my voice to Backstreet Boys’ seminal classic ‘Backstreet’s Back’. Quick answer, I won’t, and that simply won’t do.

On to the alternatives… yes, movies! I’ll blog about those. Hmm, not cheap and I’m too lazy to get to the cinema. Politics! Well, yes, but I can’t really review politics and despite my interest, my growing apathy for the subject and its main protagonists increases with every passing scandal. Cars, food and computer games have all since fallen by the wayside in a similar fashion leaving me with an itch I simply can’t scratch.

But then… EPIPHANY MOMENT! Sudden enlightenment dawns on me, the world makes sense again and a short fat woman bursts into song in the middle of the street, compelled only by the revelation which has happened to an opinionated man in front of his PC. Why not review everything? Well not literally everything, but anything and everything which crosses my path and which I fancy spending my valuable time banging on about. I mean, I know that a blog dedicated to passing opinion on Manga movies, or Post-Hardcore rock music will have a captive audience that will keep coming back for more when they inevitably realise – my opinions are the only ones which matter, but I simply can’t be arsed to constantly write about one thing. So I might as well review the stuff which I come across on a daily basis?

So, if you want to find out what I think about the last comedy show I went to or the razor I currently use to shave my face, or whatever else I want to either recommend or discourage you from consuming then this is the place for you.

If you have read my Spurs blog, or more specifically, the ‘About’ page of that blog then you will note that I am not the most reliable of bloggers, I am rather opinionated and I will find an excuse to mention the fact that I am the proud owner of a Meerkat* if at all possible. That page is actually rather good at giving a general overview of my opinions on blogs (they are shit, except mine of course), myself and, Spurs I suppose.

*Sort of, well, no… I’m not, but I am the parent to one in the same sense that anyone is a parent to an adoptive child, except that I’ve never seen my Meerkat in the flesh, he probably has 80 other mummys and daddys and the only proof I have of my claim is a certificate from London Zoo.

A rather reserved 719 words on this one; I do sense that this blog will be slightly shorter on occasion given that I generally care less about random shit than footballs.